o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize