I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
operation harelip BJ is a go
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
My day in three words: secret purse cake
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize
