I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
