You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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