you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Randomize