Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
