He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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