but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
