I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
