I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
