haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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