Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Randomize
