You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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