"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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