I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
