I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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