Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
