So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
