Whod you bang
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
