Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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