yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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