when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
