She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
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