I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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