is your mom at the bar?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
