PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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