i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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