did you get engaged???
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize