this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
