dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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