So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He better not be in your backpack
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
