Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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