I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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