I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
