Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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