Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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