He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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