the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
