he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
