he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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