I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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