the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
