I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize