Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
