I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
His nipple licking is glorious
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