The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
