she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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