My first STD was from a foam party
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
