how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
My breasts were aching with rage.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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