Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
This is the high leading the old right now
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
