One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
two words...techno handjob
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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