well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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