Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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