In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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