i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
