this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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