My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
