he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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