Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
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