Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
