U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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