Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize