Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
