I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
