You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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