She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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