Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
