we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
