You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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