oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
