hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
