K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
