If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
