sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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