This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Randomize
