the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
