i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
