Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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