I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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