I need to stop coming to work sober
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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