for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
