Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
false alarm. still invincible.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
