Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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