You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
