Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
