So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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