...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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