she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
