how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
