he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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