Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize