you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
