There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
