I'm eating all of the evidence.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
